i will never coherently bang her
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
