people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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