Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
