Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
