i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
