Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Michael Bay diarrhea
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
