Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize