Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i think my cat just said my name.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
