Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
