White coat. Heels.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
