Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The air was thick with penises
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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