Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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