FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
