Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize