i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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