I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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