He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
