I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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