Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
