He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Never underestimate the power of titties
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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