Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
