Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
