hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
