I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
