so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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