Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
