Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
