her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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