I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
