so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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