I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
