I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
