Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
