i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
