she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
