i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
