I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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