Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
