shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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