I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
