I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
