Having a random hookup so left but love u
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
