my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
