My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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