i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
