I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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