Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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