I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
