Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
