Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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