no, he came in my armpit
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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