fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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