Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You need a sexual gate keeper
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
