Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
