I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
