you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
