dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize