I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A+ Viking dick
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
