If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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