I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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