Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
