Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
