can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
