I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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