does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
