She's JV to your varsity
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
