I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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