Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
