So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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