My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
