I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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