my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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