Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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