Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize