I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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