hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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