there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize