cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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