God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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