the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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