Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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