He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
