he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
