apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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