Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Where are you guys?
Drunk
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
