moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
