she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
