Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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