In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
