Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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