fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
