it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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