All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
