weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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