I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
