apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
