We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
