i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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