I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
