And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
