We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
